What is love? What does it feel like to be in love? What are we required to do in a relationship with a lover anyway? How do you know when your in love? Is being in love or in a relationship or marriage easy?
Are you in love or in love with love?
I feel compelled to write about this as I feel guided by spirit to write the truth of what’s in my heart. As I go about my day to day life, I see so many people in unhappy relationships or unhappy marriages, I certainly don’t have all the answers and I don’t have a perfect marriage, nor does anyone, but what I do know is that sharing what’s in my heart about love may help others, even if it’s only one person.
I have always been a very emotionally connected person, even as far back as I remember as a young child always feeling a lot of love, especially a lot of love for people, animals, the planet and the whole entire Universe, I always knew there was more out there to love than what I could see, but I always had an affinity for staring at the moon and stars, even as a young girl in my room, I would stare at the constellations and feel such love, peace and a connection to the whole entire of everything. I felt different because most kids including my siblings, cousins, school friends were just out to play, be silly, tease, bully or would do things that I thought were sometimes selfish or hurtful. This is not to say that they were bad, they were just being kids and I myself had times of being mean, selfish or hurtful and when I had those times, I knew in my heart it didn’t feel right. But I was often a target for being teased, bullied or treated as though I am not as worthy as others are. Looking back, I can’t believe how many times I would just listen to the bullying or teasing, even though it hurt me so bad on the inside, I most of the time would say nothing back, because I didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. I always knew I had way more ammunition to fire at them, then what they just fired at me and that it would cut them so deeply that they may never talk to me again, because I always felt I knew stuff about them that they didn’t even know I knew, but I was so concerned for their feelings more than my own, that I would just cop it.
I always see the good in everyone, as I think people operate from a place of hurt, neglect, pain, sadness or anger when their life is not on track, so they appear to be mean. I also know that I can’t help or save everyone either, so sometimes we have to take a step back from these people if they are not helping themselves or seeing what they are really doing to others and themselves. I myself was not helping myself by allowing that behaviour, I didn’t have enough self worth to fix this, but now as a woman, I know I am worthy of being treated right.
Anyway getting back to love and relationships, when I was 14years old and grounded for 3 months by my father for escaping out of home at midnight with my friend and cousin to meet with boys and girls our age, I cried so hard that I was grounded and couldn’t see any of my friends, that my dad told my brother that I was only allowed places with him to keep an eye on me, especially if mum and dad were at work. I went everywhere with my brother Russell, who was 17years old at the time and had a old Holden car and drove me around.
This is where I met Kynan, my brother took me to a party at his girlfriend’s place one night and there I saw 16year old Kynan accross the room and I instantly fell in love… haha. Seems ridiculous I know, but I just couldn’t take my eyes off him and I feel such a strong chemistry like I’ve never felt in my life before, the feeling was mutual as it turned out as this cute lean blonde haired boy stared at me back and actually embarrased me that night by making rude jokes at me with a balloon while I was choosing music, of course I was always choosing music and always where the stereo was.
I found out years later, that was just Kynan, always a joker, always being silly, that was his way of saying he liked me without actually being soppy or using the words to express that to me. Complete opposite to me, right, haha!! 1 or 2 weeks went by and my brother gave me a message that Kynan wanted to see me again, my brother dropped me to see Kynan at a place where he had his 2 horses kept, I was so shy, so quiet, so embarrassed but Kynan took me around his horse paddock that day and taught me all about his horses, which I knew nothing about as he was from the country, Charleville and I was just from Redcliffe. That afternoon we decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend, sealed it with our first kiss, which was amazing and the rest is history.Now a woman who is 41 years old and married to Kynan, with 2 beautiful children, Jayden who will be 20 in a few days and Mia who is 15, I am so blessed. What I have learned from going through the teenage years, young adult years, then marriage years with Kynan is that it’s never easy, we all go through up’s and down’s, ebs and flows, good times and bad times, but the one thing I always know in my heart is, if there is LOVE then there is HOPE. There has been so many times in our relationship together that we have fought, broke up, got back together, liked other people, had other people try get onto us, had differences of opinions, struggled with money, struggled with raising kids and parenting different to each other then the same, worked so many hours that your too exhausted to have fun or even want a conversation together, felt pissed off at each other, loved them, hated them, held anger or resentment for things that you don’t even realise about each other, had my husband suffer severe depression that it nearly tore apart our marriage and family, i suffered severe anxiety that I didn’t want to go out anywhere or see anyone after having Jayden, then after having Mia, I got glandular fever I was so sick and had to work full time when Mia was only 7 weeks old, this was harsh on my body and mind. So many times where you both feel trapped, like there’s no way out, like why is life so hard sometimes.
What got me through all of these hard times was my insane LOVE for Kynan and the children to always improve our life and make things better, even at the deepest darkest moments where I wanted to say “F@ck You” and walk away from my marriage and I’m sure he did too, was the actual stab in the heart each time we would break up or be apart, my dying desire to see him once more or just give him a kiss and tell him it would all be okay. Crazy how you can actually feel like leaving someone because your life is too hard with them but at the same time can’t stand being apart, tugs at your heart strings. Also my passionate crazy insane love for my children to have both parents be there and present and good to them, but I know in some cases parents are better parents to their children when they are apart, as this depends on the individuals involved, sometimes people just don’t help themselves and you gotta leave, right…
It’s been a long journey, as we married at age 22 & 24, so we’ve been married about 19years now, but together 27years, and in this time we have grown alot, learnt alot and just don’t have time for negativity. I don’t have all the answers and I can’t say what’s going to happen, but one thing I do know in my heart is that each day that we wake up, we try to make time for each other, we now know instead of working against each other as we did when we were younger, not understanding how each other feels, or expressing it properly, we now work together, communication is a big factor. If you actually stop, no matter how busy you or your partner are and make time to talk, make time to listen and i mean LISTEN, not just talk at your partner, but really listen to their concerns then you can feel so much more empathy to what they are going through. At the end of the day all any of us really want is to love someone and be loved in return, for someone to care, for someone to hear you. I see so many relationships where one partner is totally controlling of the other, this is also not a fair game, mind you the person being controlled really needs to step up and speak up their truth to stop this pattern, otherwise you end up being more like a parent in the relationship to your partner instead of a lover. It’s also important to keep a connection and spark going, if your in a rutt of no intimacy then this needs to be rectified, I advise to actually sit down with your partner or go out to dinner and actually have a conversation about how much you need human touch, connection, emotional connection, you want to be kissed, you want to be cuddled, you want intimacy. You’d be amazed how opening up with each other no matter how awkward it can be to talk about, your man will have the same needs that you have in all areas of their life. When women say they only think with their ‘you know what’, yes men can be far more living in the physical then women, that is a fact and something boys are born with, but they actually want all the same emotional connections that women want, they just don’t verbalise it the way we do.
Another good tip that has helped our relationship a lot is that I have offered to go help my husband at work in his business and wow this gives me a much clearer picture of how busy he is and how hard he works and how you do feel drained at the end of the day and why walking into a house where women seem to be always having fun or doing nothing (even though this is never the case for women, we are always flat out) it seems to piss the men off. All they want is some rest, compassion, love and to be listened too. Us women need the same thing of course, but we tend to get this support from our friends, mothers, sisters, daughters, so we’ve mostly vented a lot of our shit out already, so we appear to be always together, coping and okay, also we have this nack of multi tasking so we don’t get as stresssed or overwhelmed as the males do when were flat out. I feel as a woman and wife, I am really a lot of Kynan’s support buffer, it took me a while to realise this, as of course he always had his mum to talk to, but when she passed several years ago, I realised this woman’s role was so supportive of him and as his wife I need to be his rock and support more so than ever. My advice would be to live in the other persons shoes for a while, and really feel and see what they are experiencing then you will have the compassion and love to be more open and loving and supporting of their feelings, and this will return the same love and compassion back to you from your partner, which in turn is what sparks the fire, ignites the flame. Never forget where you came from, never forget what you saw in them the first time, and always focus on the good in them and why you felt your heart skip a beat when you first met.
If you both feel stuffed and buggered all the time and just no passion or fire to do anything together, my advice is; have fun, take a break, everyone needs joy every single day in their lives. If you have time to watch TV or be on your phone, then you have time to walk the beach together, sit in your back yard and stare at the stars together and chat, pour your partner a glass of wine, cook them their favorite meal, rub their neck for a few seconds to show touch and caring, run them a bath with beautiful smelling oils, kiss them on the lips while they are sleeping, run your fingers through their hair while they are just sitting there unexpected, whatever it is, it only takes one very small gesture to make someone feel loved and special and your reward will be so much greater.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, stop focusing on money, if you have money issues, great, we all do, your not alone, be grateful for the water supply we have, the electricity, the roof over your head, focus on what you do want to happen in your life and go for that and the money will start to flow more, you need to be open and positive to receiving it.
Believe in your partners passions and help them to achieve these passions and also share your own passions and dreams with your partner and ask them to help you achieve your passions/dreams. So many relationships don’t even know what the other person desires or thinks about the most, this is so sad as how can they achieve their dreams living 2 lives, one where they are with you and one where they are always dreaming of their ideal life. Yes we can be individual and do our own thing and I definitely encourage people in relationships to have their own thing that they love to do alone or with friends, but certainly share your passions with your partner, you may be surprised how much support you will feel instead of carrying burdeons alone and when you start to achieve some of them, it’s so exciting for both of you. Always take a good look at yourself, I always think about that song ‘Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson, it’s so true, take a look at yourself and make that change. Sometimes we are a reflection of our own behaviour, once we change these things our life around us changes for the better.
Last of all, if your not in a relationship, don’t force it by settling for just anyone so you can say your married. The more you chill and just do what you love, go for your passions, dreams, desires the more likely you are to bump into your future lover as there will be like minded people around you. Don’t focus on saying ‘I’m never going to find anyone”, focus on the ideal person that’s going to walk into your life. If you are in a relationship or marriage, then remember to focus on what’s good about them, how you met them and what gave you so much chemistry that day, remember your heart skipping a beat, remember the butterflies in your stomach, remember not being able to eat that day, remember feeling so excited about life, bursting with fire & passion within your soul, not wanting to be apart from them even for 1 minute but you had too, remember trying to meet up with them as much as you could, remember the first time you kissed their lips, remember one of your first dates, one of the first gifts you bought them or they bought you and remember the first time you made love. Yes this should not be embarrassing, this is life, this is love, this is passion.. Breathe it, feel it, believe it and love deeply.
The last thing we all want is to be living in broken, unloved relationships, so START TODAY and embrace the love of your life or the love of your life to be.
Show them how much you love and care by these tips:
- MAKE LOVE
- KISS SLOWLY
- LOVE DEEPLY
- DREAM BIG
- HAVE COMPASSION
- DON’T CONTROL
- BE GRATEFUL
- DO A SMALL KIND GESTURE
- TALK/ COMMUNICATE OFTEN
- SHOW YOUR FEELINGS
- HAVE COMPASSION FOR THEIR FEELINGS
- HELP OUT
- LIVE IN THEIR SHOES
- DO SOMETHING FUN
- BE JOYOUS EVERYDAY
- MAKE TIME TOGETHER
- BE ALONE
- MAKE LOVE OFTEN
Namaste Jules xo
This month I had the pleasure of contributing to the monthly publication called Lightworker Advocate Magazine.
I am so excited to be a part of this Magazine that is for the greater good of all people and the planet. You will find my article on UNITY in the March 2016 edition on pages 24 & 25. This is a regular FREE Spiritual Magazine and great read. If you want to improve your life in all aspects, then check out the articles in this Mag regularly and you will love it and the Principles behind it.
Julie Latcham xx